Thursday, December 16, 2004

Idiots in Private Unis - Part II

The Juliets:

The Juliets are anything but not females . They have long hairs just like the Bajis but the only difference is that they don't entertain pony (puppy, or burro) tails. They comb their hair once a day, and this explains the locks (curls) which are actually disfigured knots. They don't do anything with their hair. They just let it fall on their shoulders, and in a real mallang style. The Juliets hate Hajjams (barbers) or maybe they are too lazy to visit one.

Like the Bajis , the Juliets too have damaged hair but they don't care about it. If they had, they would have shampooed their hair at least thrice a week! I can't tell whether there are some lice lurking around in there, but scientifically, there should be some!

The picture says it all

The Pantaloons:

Those who are familiar with classical world drama might be familiar with Pantaloon, the character which portrays an extremely foolish old man (who wears lose trousers) in the commedia dell'arte. The Pantaloons of unis are the ones who have trouble wearing pants/jeans. Either they don't know how to, or they don't like to. They have their jeans/pants a good level below their stomach and don't even bother to wear a belt. They make it look as if their pants/jeans are falling. They should visit Scotland and buy Harris Tweeds for themselves.

No modest girl will dare to look at the pantaloons and if there is a girl who stares a pantaloon for a bit too long, know it that she hasn't a decent character.

NOTE: The pantaloons can be bajis, juliets and porcupines too.

The Baraatis:

Finally, a female only class! The Baraatis dress as if they have come to attend their cousin's or perhaps their best friend's rasm-e-hina. Allah knows how early they wake up to apply heavy make up and set their hair! They are mostly jealous of their own kind and can be seen fighting with each other. Their best dreams are the ones in which they see themselves notching the hair of their rivals or of their ex-boyfriends. Their boyfriends should be particularly very careful. Half of them go mad when they see them without make-up; other half doesn't survive the shock.

The Baratis: Here to attend their cousin's

The Khaufnaks!:

Another female-only class. They look pretty damsels if you look at them from a good distance but don't feel tempted to go too near or you'll get the shock of your life! For they are so scary, so scary that a Hollywood director will instantly hire them for horror movies. And the movies will be strictly PG-19 rated because of the scary scenes (the close-ups of their faces actually). They closely resemble The Baratis but the Baratis are not always scary.

My sincerest apologies to those who feel offended.

Friday, December 10, 2004

Idiots in Private Unis - Part I

"These private unis are full of Idiots ... with big pockets and empty heads" -- Henna Arshad

I go to a private university. Am I an idiot too? This matters not. I joined this private university almost two months ago but my power of observance is so sharp (and you can disagree) that I've already categorized the students into some classes and this categorization has in reality nothing to do with their IQ or the amount of money they have in their pockets or purses. You've read the topic, so I'm aware that you are already familiar with the theme of our taxonomy. In case if you are not, it's fashion. By fashion I mean the characteristics and the habitual practices of the students in question.

Anyway, I'll not waste a single nanosecond more in writing another introductory paragraph. Let's begin discussing the haughty hierarchy I've come up with. And one more thing, I intend no offence!

The Porcupines:

They are spine haired males. You know, the ones who look as if they've just had an electric shock! I don't know how much time they spend in front of the mirror applying gel and twisting the life out of their hair, but they do often succeed in becoming what they desire to become … porcupines. For those who lack a vocabulary, the Urdu word is “Australian chohay”. They think they have the coolest hairstyle, but honestly, don't you think it's the most idiotic one too?

The human porcupine
Shamelessly copying animals... sorta!

The insulted animal.
So embrassed that the poor thing is seldom seen these days!

The Bajis :

They are the ones you'd mistake for a female especially when they are wearing shalwar kamiz . They are, no doubt, males but are not manly. Girlish and freakish, in fact! No sane girl will ever dream of hanging out with a, er, a girlish boy with a rotting pony tail and all those who do should consider checking a psychiatrist. The Bajis are very bad when it comes to hair-care. Most (read ‘all') of them have dry and damaged hairs. This damage is perhaps due to the effect of sun, but it will sound more sensible if we attribute it to all the vain attempts they make to attain a perfect pony tail. (They always end up making puppy or burro tails). One day, maybe, they'll think of breading up their hair or making two ponytails, if they haven't already thought of it!

The typical Baji.
A bit too happy with thier burro/puppy tails!

Their upcoming fashion.
Lolypop's missing! Don't you agree?

... to be continued